Wednesday After School
by Zan1781
Summary: An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**I have never written a full SVU fic before, but thought that this story fits best with these particular characters. I was sexually assaulted over ten years ago, and this is my experience. Although my experience is not as bad as the storylines shown on SVU (nor is it as bad as three-fourths of the sexual assaults out there), this will really be the first time that I've talked about it (in depth). I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those people involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:**None.

**Summary:**An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

Sometimes I really hate my job. Sometimes I hate my job so much, that it's all I can do not to raise my face to the sky and scream out my frustrations louder than any normal human being should be able to scream. I mean, sometimes I _really _hate my job.

Today is one of those times.

"What are you doing out here in the rain?" Alex quietly asked, sitting down beside me on the bench. Holding her umbrella in a way that it also partially covered my head, she gazed straight ahead, knowing that I would only talk to her if I knew that she wasn't exactly looking at me.

Shrugging, I ran a hand through my sopping wet hair, remaining quiet. I wasn't ready to talk to Alex just yet, although a very tiny part of me was grateful that she had braved the rain in order to check up on me.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Alex softly tried again, still not looking at me. "I know you must have had a bad day, given what happened."

_You can't even imagine. _Leaning against the back of the bench, I sighed, keeping my eyes glued to the tree on the opposite side of the path. _Why am I taking this case so personally?_

"Liv—"

"Did Elliot send you?" I finally asked, glancing at her for the briefest of moments. Alex's guilty expression was my answer. "So he did?" I asked, unable to keep the corner of my mouth from quirking up into a small smirk. That was just like Elliot. He loved me, but he loved me like a brother. And like a brother, he had no idea how to handle me when I started to feel emotional. He offered to take me out for a drink, or even over to the gym so that I could beat on the bag, but I really didn't feel like getting drunk or beating the crap out of something. Not yet, anyhow.

Alex further settled herself on the bench, knowing that she was starting to make some progress with me. "He called my office to let me know that you were having an even tougher time than normal with this case," she informed me, studying me with her lawyer's eyes.

I nodded, trying not to cry. I couldn't cry. I had to be tough. I had to keep it together. I had to stay in control.

When I continued to say nothing, Alex moved closer to me. "Don't you ever tire of this?"

"Of what?" I wanted to know, taking note of her closer proximity.

"Of holding everything in. I would imagine that it could be tiring."

I gave a short laugh, shrugging my right shoulder. "I don't know why this case is bothering me so much," I finally murmured, turning to gaze at Alex. Damn, she was going to get the information out of me anyhow.

"It's bothering you because your victim is getting screwed by the system."

"Yeah, that's it," I ran a shaky hand through my hair, deeply exhaling. Although the case itself was not nearly as graphic or as tragic as the rest of the cases on my caseload, both the school and the system had screwed up, and the victim was the one suffering for it.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-eight hours prior**

"Hey," Julia sadly walked into her 11th grade AP American History classroom, tossing the teacher a small smile. Although she had chemistry first period, she often times liked to say hi to her favorite teacher on her way to class.

"Hey, Julia, you're going to be late for first period," Mrs. Roget glanced up at the young girl with a smile. Noticing the serious and somewhat scared expression on the student's face, however, her smile faltered. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah—" Julia trailed off, "I'm fine. I guess I was just kind of confused about something," she awkwardly mumbled, shifting from foot to foot in anxiety. "I was kind of wondering what the actual definition of rape is. You know… in the legal sense."

Mrs. Roget's face fell as she gestured toward a chair. "Do you want to take a seat for a few moments? Or maybe even go talk to the school psychologist? I'll go with you, if you want me to."

"No, I'm fine," Julia repeated, taking a giant leap backwards. Jumping when the second bell rang, she turned to flee the room. "And now I'm going to be late for class." _My mind is such a mess right now… I can't focus on a freaking thing. I don't want to be here. I want to go home. Why can't I just go home?_

Stumbling into her chemistry room a few minutes late, Julia took a seat in the back of the room. She felt hot, she felt cold, she felt confused, she felt disoriented… she had no idea what the teacher was saying, nor did she really care; her mind was too consumed with replaying the events of yesterday to make room for chemistry.

And then it happened: busy pretending to take notes and trying not to burst into tears, Julia had no idea that her chemistry teacher had snuck up behind her, and that he was holding a completely blown up balloon between his hands. She had no idea that every student in the class was now busy watching her take notes on nothing, and she definitely had no idea that the lecture had stopped. She had no idea what was going on, that is, until the teacher popped the balloon just beside her head, and the entire class of twenty-six 11th graders roared in laughter as she jumped in fear.

Bolting out of her chair, Julia did something that she had never done before: she ran out of the room in embarrassment and confusion, darting through the halls without even thinking about where she was going.

It wasn't until she once again found herself standing outside of Mrs. Roget's room that Julia stopped to breathe. Knocking on the door frame, she stepped inside. Taking a deep breath, and holding back her tears, she whispered, "I was sexually assaulted yesterday…"

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**I really appreciate all of your kind words and support. I forgot how amazing the people in this fandom truly are. Again, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:**None.

**Summary:**An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

I again turned my face up to the rain, heavily sighing. It really isn't that often that a case gets under my skin, but Julia's situation feels different. Julia is the most naïve high school kid I've ever met in my life, and trust me, I've met a lot of kids.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Alex kindly asked, making sure to keep my head covered with the umbrella.

"Nah, it would cost you more like a buck. A buck for my thoughts," I half teased her, trying not to smile. I actually wasn't in the mood to smile; n_othing _about my day was smile-worthy.

"I can do a buck," Alex softly replied, reaching into her pocket. Fishing out a crumpled bill, she handed it over to me for my inspection. "Okay, so what's on your mind?"

I rolled my eyes at her, but took a deep breath. She was good; she always knew how to handle me, which is probably why Elliot had sent her after me in the first place. Running a shaky hand through my hair, I frowned. "I just feel badly, you know? Julia is a sweet kid. AP and honors classes, chess club, editor of the school newspaper, student liaison to the school board, the list goes on and on," I mumbled. And then after a moment, "She's also one of the most naïve eleventh graders I've ever met in my life. Did you see the expression on her face during the entire interview?"

Alex nodded. Julia had looked not only scared and confused, but mortified, as well.

I continued, putting my head in my hands. "Do you know how she must have felt trying to explain what happened? She'd never even been kissed before, and all of a sudden she was forced to talk about groping, fondling, and penetration. Jesus, Alex, the kid doesn't even swear!"

"I know," she murmured, resting a comforting hand on my back. "Sex has never been a part of her every day vocabulary until recently. I'm sure it's been tough on her, to say the least."

I tried to hold back my sarcastic laugh, but it broke free anyhow. "And the school? Who the hell tells a victim that what happened wasn't that bad? _Especially _when it happened on school grounds?"

"Someone who's trying not to get sued," Alex simply replied.

And she was probably right. Damn them.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-seven hours prior**

Mrs. Roget accompanied Julia to the counseling center, trying to hide the look of disgust on her face. She wasn't upset with Julia—the student hadn't done anything wrong, but Lakewood was a small, middle-to-upper class community, and to her knowledge, nothing like this had ever happened before. A sexual assault was definitely not something that frequently happened in the area.

Julia stiffly stood in the doorway of the counseling office, staring at nothing and everything all at the same time. She was having an increasingly difficult time focusing on her surroundings, and the noise from the hallway was almost deafening and overwhelming. When she heard her teacher speaking to the office secretary, however, she tried her best to pay attention.

"I need to speak with Mrs. Simon right now. Is she available?" Mrs. Roget asked the secretary.

"I'm afraid she's in with a student right now," the secretary apologized, curiously staring at Julia.

"This is actually an emergency," Mrs. Roget persisted. "I need to speak with her immediately."

"It's not an emergency," Julia meekly told the two adults. "We can come back later." She hated feeling like a bother to anyone, and besides, she really didn't know what to say or even how to say it. In fact, she wouldn't have said anything to anyone in the first place, except for the fact that she felt completely confused, scared, and dirty.

"It's an emergency," Mrs. Roget maintained, sighing in relief when the secretary nodded, calling the school psychologist. "Take a seat, Julia," the teacher pointed to a free chair, "And I promise I'll be right back."

Julia cautiously sat down, once again feeling disoriented and cold. She prided herself on her ability to think through problems, and it scared her that her brain felt so muddled.

A minute later, Mrs. Roget and the school psychologist returned to the waiting room. "Julia?" Mrs. Simon, the psychologist, smiled at her. "I've seen you around school, but it's finally nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too," Julia mumbled, trying to be polite. Hesitantly getting to her feet, she followed the school psychologist down the hallway, frowning when her social studies teacher remained behind. "Aren't you coming…?"

"I have to get back to class," Mrs. Roget gave Julia a quick hug, "But I'll be back later. You'll be okay," she added, giving her an extra hug for support.

_Right_, Julia thought to herself, obediently following Mrs. Simon to her office.

"… Can you tell me what happened?" the psychologist gently asked Julia once the door was closed, gesturing to the couch in the corner of the room.

Julia took a seat on the couch, but remained quiet.

"I can't help you unless you tell me a little bit about what happened," she softly continued, sitting across from her.

Julia took an uncomfortable breath, slowly exhaling. "I'm not really sure," she finally admitted. "I don't know what the legal definitions for assault and rape are, so…" she half-shrugged.

"Do you think you were raped?"

"I don't know," Julia whispered. "I don't think so, but—" she trailed off, tears springing to her eyes. Staring down at her hands, she felt powerless to stop her mind from wandering. _Why is it so hard to focus? Just focus!_

"But what?" Mrs. Simon gently prodded.

Julia remained quiet until the psychologist once again called her name, pulling her out of her reverie. Shaking her head, with silent tears streaming down her cheeks, she frowned in confusion. "… I don't know what to say."

"Can you tell me when it happened?" Mrs. Simon softly inquired, trying a new tactic. Maybe specific, less generic, questions would be easier for her to answer.

"Around 3:30 or 4:00, yesterday after school," Julia almost immediately replied, wringing her hands in anxiety. She felt like she needed to bolt, and it was taking everything in her to remain seated.

"Good girl," Mrs. Simon smiled in encouragement. "Where did it happen?"

Julia took another deep breath, shakily letting it out. "I said no while we were waiting for the bus to take us home," Julia mumbled. "And then it happened on the bus."

Mrs. Simon wanted to ask more questions about the saying no part and then what 'it' referred to, but she was honestly shocked by something else that the student had just told her. "It happened on school property?"

Julia simply nodded, her gaze riveted to the ground.

"Do you know who did it?"

Julia again nodded. The guy had been a friend of hers when they were younger, and he was now a member of the varsity football team. _Everyone_ knew who he was, and _everyone_ lovedhim; football was very big at her school.

Mrs. Simon cleared her throat, frowning. "Julia, can you tell me exactly what happened?"

"I can't," Julia repeated, making eye contact with the school psychologist for the briefest of moments. "I don't know how to tell you, don't you understand?" For the first time in her life, words had failed her.

Clasping her hands in her lap, Mrs. Simon bit her lip. "Did he inappropriately touch you?"

That got an affirmative nod from Julia.

"Did he inappropriately touch you _over_ your clothes?"

Another nod.

"Did he inappropriately touch you _under_ your clothes?"

Nod number three.

"Did he—" Mrs. Simon frowned as her next question was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Excuse me for a moment," she smiled at Julia, poking her head outside. "We'll need a few more minutes," she told whoever was at the door, "But yeah, I'd give them a call. This will definitely be reportable."

"I can come back later," Julia repeated, once Mrs. Simon retook her seat.

"No, I've cancelled all of my appointments for the rest of the day. You're my number one priority right now," she tried to smile. "But I need to warn you, honey, the police are on their way to talk to you."

Julia's eyes widened in fear as her entire face paled. She hadn't even managed to tell the school psychologist what happened. How was she supposed to tell the police? What would her parents say? What would her friends say?

Julia immediately burst into tears.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you to everyone who has taken the time and energy to read this story. I'm getting into territory that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable (I still partially blame myself for the entire situation), so we'll see how this chapter goes. The next couple of ones might be difficult for me to write, but hopefully they end up sounding okay to all of you. Anyhow, the only difference between this chapter and reality (as I saw it), is the fact that two male detectives visited me, neither of which were from SVU. I would have loved an Olivia-like detective, but it wasn't meant to be. Again, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Summary:** An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

"I just don't get it," I mumbled, once again leaning back on the park bench. Running my fingers through my now completely drenched hair, I frowned. "Why do people hurt each other? Why do people go out of their way to screw with other people?"

"I don't know, Liv," Alex gently replied. "But they do, and the only thing that we can do is do our jobs so that it doesn't happen again."

"But it _does _happen again," I stubbornly told her. "And again, and again… it just never stops. The _crime _never stops. Doesn't this city ever sleep?"

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-six hours prior**

"I don't think I can do this," Julia whispered to Mrs. Simon, hunkered down at one end of the couch, propped against the office's wall. "I _really _don't think I can do this," she repeated, staring at a beanie baby on one of the shelves as if it could magically protect her. Even if it wasn't magical, the eleventh grader used the beanie baby as a focal point, which somehow helped her remain grounded in the present.

"Of course you can," Mrs. Simon kindly smiled. "I know that you're scared, but it'll be okay. You just have to take deep breaths to get through this."

"I know," Julia nodded her understanding. "But the police are coming. Maybe I made a mistake, and maybe I asked for it to happen to me because I didn't do much to stop it," she mumbled, staring down at her hands. "I should have donesomething else. What's wrong with me? Why didn't I just _do_ something? _Anything?_"

"Let me ask you this," Mrs. Simon pulled her chair closer to the couch, moving so that Julia was forced to look at her. She still had no idea what had actually taken place on the bus, but she was pretty sure that something bad had happened. "Did you tell him to stop?" Julia nodded yes. "Did he stop?" Julia shook her head no. "Then you've done nothing wrong, and he is to blame for everything."

"What if the police don't believe me, though?" Julia swallowed, wringing her hands as she again stared at the beanie baby for support. "What if they tell me that it was my fault?" She felt jittery, and again found it difficult to remain sitting in one place.

"They won't," Mrs. Simon gently told the girl, standing up when she heard a knock at the door. "That's probably them," she murmured, poking her head outside. Softly speaking to someone, she stepped aside, letting two detectives walk past her.

"Hi, Julia," the first detective gazed at the student, holding out her hand. "My name is Olivia, and this is my partner, Elliot."

"Hi," Julia mumbled back, shaking the hands of both detectives. Despite being scared, she maintained her politeness. It just wasn't every day that she was asked to talk to a detective, and about something so personal? She wasn't happy, and she was starting to feel sick to her stomach.

"How are you feeling?" Elliot waited for Mrs. Simon and Olivia to take their seats before also sitting down.

"Fine, I guess," Julia replied, afraid to make eye contact with the three adults. She felt flushed, and she couldn't help but notice that her palms were incredibly sweaty. And it was loud; the silence in the room was absolutely deafening!

Olivia glanced at Elliot for a moment, clearing her throat. "We got a call that something happened yesterday after school," she softly spoke up, leaning toward Julia. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"Yes," Julia whispered, knowing that when a detective asked you a question, you had to answer it. "I mean no," she mumbled.

"Why not?" Elliot softly inquired.

Julia shrugged, staring down at the floor in embarrassment. "I'm not good at talking about this stuff, and I don't know what to say." There was also something else that had been bothering her… something that she didn't plan on telling anyone else. Julia did not perceive herself to be attractive, and she half wondered if the police would actually believe that a varsity football player would hit on an over-weight, self-conscious, glasses-wearing girl.

"Julia," Olivia scooted her chair closer to the eleventh grader. "I really want to help you, so I need you to trust me enough to tell me what happened. I've heard it all before, okay? Nothing you say will surprise me."

"Okay," Julia swallowed, her face bright red and warm. Keeping her eyes riveted to the beanie baby on Mrs. Simon's shelf, she slowly exhaled, and then took a deep breath. Gratefully smiling when the school psychologist actually handed her Hoot, the beanie baby, she again glanced up at Olivia for the briefest of moments. "Okay," she quietly repeated.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, Wednesday after school**

"Hey, Julia," Mark smiled at her as he leaned against the school's outside wall. Although he and Julia were not friends, they had known each other since elementary school.

"Hey, Mark," Julia replied, setting her bag down on the ground. "Where's the bus?" she asked, taking a look at her watch. It was already three-thirty, and the bus had been scheduled to pick them up at three-fifteen.

"Not sure," he shrugged, tossing a football to one of his teammates. "What are you still doing here?" he wanted to know. "I didn't think anyone stayed after school on a Wednesday."

"Chess club," Julia wryly smiled. Although every teacher had a school-wide faculty meeting on Wednesdays, the chess club advisor was not a faculty member, and thus scheduled practices on that day. "What about you?"

Mark grinned, catching a pass from his teammate. "Just hanging out. Long time no see," he then added.

"Yep," Julia agreed, glancing back into the school. She couldn't believe how deserted the hallways were; not even the custodians were around. It was actually a little bit eerie, she thought, seeing the school without people running up and down the corridors.

"So are you seeing anyone?" Mark suddenly asked, switching gears.

"Uh, nope," Julia uncomfortably replied. She couldn't help but wonder who would want to date someone like her.

"Too bad. We should have gone out, you know," Mark smirked.

Julia couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, when did you write me those love letters again? Third grade?"

Mark shrugged. "There's no one around, you know," he winked. "We could do some loving right now, if you know what I mean."

It was true, the area was clearly deserted. Glancing around, Julia noted that even his friend had left. "Except the bus should be here at any moment," she pointed out. It was now 3:45, making the bus thirty minutes late.

"Well we have time, you know, if you wanted to give me a—" he pointed to the bulge in his pants.

Julia laughed in embarrassment, and took a huge step away from Mark. "Not interested, sorry," she uncomfortably but firmly told him.

"Sure you are!" he murmured, following her. "There's no one around," he repeated. "Who would notice?"

"Someone could walk by at any moment," Julia replied, turning around and heading back into the school. Really, where was everyone? _No one_ was around.

"Not if we go in the stairwell," Mark persisted, following her back into the school. "Seriously, there's no one around. I bet you could give me a great blow job," he chuckled. "You're smart; you know how to do things."

"Not interested," Julia repeated, darting into the tenth grade office to see if she could find out where the bus was. Not finding anyone around, she frowned, heading back outside. They were approaching four o'clock, and she was seriously considering just walking the ten miles home. "No," she repeated when Mark again approached her.

"C'mon, what are you so afraid of?" he grinned. "It's just a little blow job. I bet you'd love it. Blow jobs are a normal part of life," he informed her, his hand hovering above his zipper. "And they feel fantastic. What do you say?"

"I said no," Julia firmly repeated, once again taking a step away from him, sighing in relief when she spotted the bus coming down the school's driveway.

"Well you don't know what you're missing out on," Mark wrapped an arm around Julia's shoulder, holding her close.

Julia easily sidestepped out of his embrace, heading toward the bus. "The answer is still no," she mumbled.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-five hours prior (school psychologist's office)**

Back in the school psychologist's office, Julia took a deep, shaky breath. She wasn't even half way through her story yet, and she felt emotionally drained. Poor Hoot's beanie baby tag was nearly ripped off, and she herself was starting to feel disoriented.

"So you said 'no' a bunch of times?" Olivia asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah," Julia bobbed her head in the affirmative, uncomfortably shifting in her chair.

"Let me honest with you, honey," Olivia murmured. "You only had to say no to him once; once should have been enough."

"I know, but I still should have done more," Julia swallowed, refusing to make eye contact with anyone. "You know, like walked home, or found the principal, or—" she trailed off. "_Something_. But no, I got on the bus."

"Did he continue to bother you on the bus?" Olivia gently asked.

Julia sniffled, trying her best to forget the bus ride home. It really wasn't one of her more favorite memories.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**I want to again thank everyone for your support and encouragement while writing this. It's been more cathartic than I would have imagined possible, and hopefully it's helping someone else out there. Also, thanks to those of you who have reviewed. Your reviews are amazingly helpful, and very appreciated! As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved. As a side note, this is probably closer to an M rating, so be warned.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Summary:** An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

"You know what bothers me the most, Alex?" I mused, slowly getting to my feet and walking down the park's path. "And it happens with every single case, not just this one."

"What?" Alex asked, also getting to her feet.

"I don't want to state the obvious or anything," I continued with a frown, "but the design of the American justice system sucks. We ask a victim to tell his or her story multiple times, to the police, a lawyer, a grand jury, a judge, a trial jury. I mean, what the hell is wrong with us? We victimize the victim over and over again."

Alex knowingly shrugged. "Our society is built on the principles of justice and equality for all, and that requires fact-finding and being judged by a jury of one's peers."

"So the perp deserves justice and equality as well?" I angrily asked, trying my hardest to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"The perp deserves the chance to prove his or her innocence."

"Bullshit," I muttered under my breath.

"You may not like it, Liv," Alex softly told me, "but if you were accused of a crime and were actually innocent, wouldn't you want the chance to prove your innocence?"

"I guess," I kicked a stone in frustration. "But we still shouldn't force a victim to tell the story over and over again. That's just cruel."

Alex had nothing to say to that, because she knew that I was right.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-five hours prior**

Julia anxiously held Hoot in her hands, its brown beanie baby fur becoming slick with her nervous sweat. "I should have done more," she repeated to the detectives and the school psychologist. "But I was scared, and in shock," she whispered. "Nobody understands that."

"People don't behave how they normally would when they're under stress," Elliot pointed out, scrawling something down in his notebook. "So I think it's safe to say that we understand what you're saying."

Julia hesitantly shook her head no; they would be furious with her for her inaction, and would blame her for everything. Except… except she _had _said 'no' three or four times, and the two students _had _forcibly kept her from leaving the bus seat.

Olivia rested her elbows on her knees, gazing at the young girl with a mixture of empathy and concern etched on her face. "Can you tell us about the bus?" she gently coaxed.

"I guess so," Julia swallowed, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm uncomfortable and scared," she shifted in her seat.

"It'll be okay," Olivia gave her a small smile. "No one in this room will hurt or judge you."

"Okay," Julia squashed Hoot between her hands, fidgeting with its wings. "Just… okay," she sighed.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, Wednesday after school**

Julia still felt embarrassed, confused, and a little bit drained from Mark's repeated attempts to get her to give him a blow job. Her mind wasn't processing information as quickly as normal, and she actually felt a little bit disorientated and uncomfortable. She knew that her discomfort stemmed from her lack of experience with flirting and sex, but that knowledge didn't make her feel any better. Julia just wanted to go home; home was safe, and Mark was not. It was as simple as that.

Frowning as Mark's friend returned just in time to catch the bus, she hesitantly climbed the stairs, nodding hello to the bus driver. Sighing as she took note of the absolute emptiness of the bus, she did the same thing that she did every other day of the week: she meandered down the aisle to her regular seat, which was located in the second to last row of the bus.

_This is a bad idea, _she told herself, realizing too late that she should have just sat down behind the bus driver. But old habits were hard to break, especially when the individual was in a state of minor shock.

Staring out the window, her mind and body both unnerved and jittery from the previous hour's conversation, Julia started when she felt someone sit down beside her. And then she started again when she heard someone sit down in the seat behind her and her new seatmate.

"Hey," Mark smiled, resting his hand on the back of the seat, his body turned to face her.

"Hey," Julia blinked, shifting closer to the window. "There are plenty of seats on the bus, you know," she half joked. "Why don't you go find one?"

"Nah, I'm good here," he grinned, moving his hand so that it now rested on her knee. "So about our earlier conversation—"

"The answer is still no," Julia slapped his hand away. "Excuse me," she added, trying to scoot by the varsity football player.

"Where do you think you're going?" Mark chuckled, easily blocking her escape with both his arm and his entire body. He was stronger than she was, he was bigger than she was, and it was quickly becoming clear to Julia that he was in control of the situation, not her. And if that weren't bad enough, Mark's friend was peering at them over the top of the seat, basically making sure that she had no where to run off to.

Julia again tried to move past him, her face paling when he actually pushed her body back into the seat. _This isn't right_, she inwardly told herself. _You don't want him to do this, and this isn't right_. _Why won't he just stop? _

"Just relax," Mark told her, once again resting his hand on her knee, slowly moving it back and forth. "Haven't you ever done this before? It'll feel better if you just relax. You might even enjoy it."

Julia remained quiet, her face deathly white. Her brain had completely stopped processing information all together, and she found herself feeling shocked, confused, and even more disoriented than she had been before.

"Well lucky for you, I've moved beyond the blow job," Mark continued with a whisper, cupping her between her legs before slipping his hand up to the waistband of her jeans.

_This isn't happening_, Julia's gaze remained riveted to his hand, her body barely able to inhale and exhale.

"Just relax," Mark instructed her, slipping his fingers inside her pants, and then down further.

"No," Julia somehow managed to whisper. "I don't want this," she braced herself against the window of the bus, jumping when she felt his hand move beneath her underwear and then against her.

"Sure you do," Mark grinned. "Why wouldn't you?" he asked, his fingers slipping into her. "And you'll like it. Don't you like it?"

She didn't. Julia helplessly stared out the window of the bus, trying to figure out why they were heading toward the middle school and not toward home; the middle school was in the completely opposite direction from home, and she knew that the trip would add an extra twenty minutes to their journey. There was _no _reaso_n _to stop at the middle school, and yet they were.

"Don't you like it?" Mark repeated his question, shifting in his seat to get a better angle.

Julia remained quiet, barely making note of the fact that her drama club teacher was sitting at a stoplight just beside them, trying to get her attention. Her face red with mortification, Julia nodded her acknowledgment of the teacher's presence, inwardly yelling at herself to just tell the teacher what was going on. But again, she was embarrassed, not thinking clearly, and just… out of it. Really, really, out of it.

The longer that she was trapped on the bus, the more she found her mind drifting. It didn't take long for Julia's mind to slip into an entirely different "location," blissfully taking away the majority of pain and rage that she was forced to endure.

Mark, for his part, continued to do his own thing, his fingers repeatedly violating her for the remainder of the thirty minute bus ride home. The only thing that he said to her was said just before he got off of the bus. With a smirk and a lewd gesture, he laughed. "Next time, let's have sex."

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-four hours prior (school psychologist's office)**

"I didn't scream," Julia whispered to Olivia, Elliot, and the school psychologist, staring down at Hoot. "Do you know how easy it would have been just to say something to the bus driver? But I didn't. I don't know why speaking up never even crossed my mind, but it didn't. It makes no sense," she finally lifted her gaze to Olivia's, tears brimming in her eyes. "This is all my fault, because I _could _have stopped it."

"It wasn't your fault," Olivia murmured, desperately wanting to put a supportive hand on the young girl's arm, but recognizing the fact that she probably wouldn't have appreciated the gesture. "You said no, Julia, and you tried to move away from him on the bus. You did plenty to make your wishes known"

"But I sat in the back of the bus," she continued, the tears now streaming down her cheeks. "Why did I sit in the back?" she asked. "I should have stayed in the front."

Olivia pulled her chair even closer to the couch, tilting her head so that Julia was forced to look at her. "You were in shock, honey. When we're in shock, our brains shut down to protect us from what's going on around us. You said that your mind went on a trip during the bus ride, right?" She waited for Julia to nod yes. "Well that's because it was trying to protect you. You still didn't do anything wrong," Olivia softly repeated. "Trust me, you didn't do anything wrong."

"So what happens now?" Julia nervously swallowed, her fingers fidgeting with Hoot's tag.

Olivia and Elliot exchanged a look with Mrs. Simon. Although she wanted to tell the student that things would get easier now that she had told the majority of her story, that wasn't exactly the truth. "Well," the detective cleared her throat. "On our end of things, we're going to type up the report, and have you come in to sign it."

"Downtown?" Julia whispered.

"I'm afraid so," Olivia shot her a small smile. "And then my friend Alex will need to talk to you. Alex is a lawyer in the district attorney's office, and she'll be handling your case."

"Okay," Julia nodded her understanding, wiping away a few of her tears. "So… what does that mean?"

"A lot, unfortunately," Olivia kindly murmured, knowing that Julia would have to re-explain her story to Alex, then to the grand jury, and then to the trial jurors… and that was in addition to whatever the school's investigation would entail. "But we'll be with you every step of the way. I promise."

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Whew, made it through those two chapters. Thank you so much for all of your positive encouragement and support; I can't begin to tell you how helpful it's been! This chapter is extremely tame by comparison to the others (and doesn't contain a lot of SVU), but I needed to mention something that the school's principal said; his comment was the beginning of their major screw-up. Chapter six will be about the grand jury hearing, and thus all Alex. Regardless, hopefully you'll still find five a somewhat interesting read. As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Summary:** An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

"Do you still like your job?" I asked Alex, walking side by side with her. It was funny that my brain still wasn't registering the fact that icy cold rain was continuously pelting our bodies, but truth be told, I had more important things to worry about.

"I think so, yes," Alex truthfully replied, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. "I mean, there are things that I'll always hate about my job, but I know that I have the chance to do some good. What about you?"

"'Like' is an interesting word, isn't it?" I quietly murmured. "I don't like having to put victims through a second living hell, yet at the same time, I'm glad that I'm the one who has to do it. I feel like my presence can help them through a difficult time, you know what I mean?"

"You're gentle with them," Alex agreed. "And you're empathetic. They seem to trust you. Julia even told me how much she liked you, and how good you were with her."

"Really?" I couldn't help but smile at that. "Well she's a good kid. Do me a favor, Alex," I continued. "Try to schedule her grand jury hearing for sometime in the very near future so that she doesn't have it hanging over her head."

"I'll do my best, but you know the system."

Yep, I did. The system moved at the pace of a snail.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, forty-four hours prior (school psychologist's office)**

"You'll be fine, Julia," Olivia again smiled at the young girl. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that things will be easy for you from here on out, but you know what? You did great today, and I'm proud of you."

"Thank you," Julia mumbled, still fidgeting with Hoot. Her face warm from the effort of reliving everything, she took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. "So… I'm not in trouble?" she hesitantly asked.

"Of course not," Olivia gently tried to reassure her. "Like we said before, you didn't do anything wrong; you said no, and you tried to get away. Even if you _hadn't _tried to get away, you still said no; that should have been good enough."

"Yeah," Julia nodded her understanding, biting the inside of her lip. "Thank you, I appreciate your words." And she truly did. Olivia's repeated statements that she hadn't been to blame for the assault went a very long way in assuaging her self-inflicted guilt and fear, and it felt extremely empowering to have someone validate her emotions and experience.

"We'll be in touch with you," Olivia shot her one more smile, getting to her feet.

"Hang in there," Elliot added as the two detectives left the office.

"So what happens now?" Julia cautiously asked Mrs. Simon, her fingers absent-mindedly smoothing Hoot's fur. Glancing down at the stuffed animal, she sighed. "I guess you should take this back now." Although she knew that the beanie baby was meant for little children, she couldn't deny the fact that there was something soothing about holding it in her hands.

Mrs. Simon shook her head no, pulling her chair closer to the couch. "Hang on to it for a little bit," she softly told Julia. And then after a moment, "How are you holding up? I know you've had a rough morning."

Julia simply nodded, and then shrugged, once again fiddling with Hoot. She was actually pretty tired from recounting yesterday's events, and she kind of wished that she could just go home and sleep.

"Would you like a glass of water?" the school psychologist offered. "Or maybe even some lunch?"

Julia's eyes widened at that suggestion, panic crossing her face. Mark had the same lunch period as she did, and there was no way that she was going to spend any amount of time anywhere near him ever again. _Ever _again.

"Take a deep breath, honey," Mrs. Simon seemed to read the eleventh grader's mind. "When do you normally eat lunch?"

"Fifth period," Julia meekly replied.

"Then let's wait until sixth period, and I'll go with you. Besides, I'm afraid that you still need to speak with Mr. Jenkins," she gently reminded her.

Julia bit her lower lip in anxiety, finally looking at Mrs. Simon. "Would it be possible for me talk to the principal instead?" she mumbled. She was intimidated by Mr. Jenkins, her vice-principal, and knew the principal through her student liaison role with the school board. She respected Mr. Lewis, and figured that she'd feel more comfortable talking to him rather than her own administrator.

"Probably," Mrs. Simon smiled, getting to her feet. "Why don't you relax for a few minutes while I go find out?"

Julia curled her body against the side of the couch, her eyes slipping closed. She couldn't believe how exhausted she truly felt; she had no idea how she was going to make it through the rest of the day.

Taking deep and even breaths, she let her mind wander back to some of the things that she had said to Olivia. Everything that she had said was completely true, but she didn't know if she would have the strength or courage to recount the events to her principal, then to the grand jury, and then to a regular jury. It was intimidating and daunting all at once, and she already felt so raw and exposed.

Julia felt like her entire life was on display, and telling other people what had happened made her feel like people were judging her. They weren't, she realized, but it was still tough and disquieting.

"Mr. Lewis is on the way down," Mrs. Simon informed her, retaking her seat. "Are you ready?" 

"Sure," Julia shrugged, slightly mortified by the prospect by telling another male anything about the sexual assault. "But then again, I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"I'm afraid not," Mrs. Simon half smiled as someone knocked on the door. "And that's probably him." Getting up to open the door, she nodded a greeting to the school's principal, ushering him inside.

"Hi, Julia," Mr. Lewis awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. "I heard what happened to you yesterday after school, and I'm very sorry."

"Thanks," Julia whispered her reply, not really sure what else to say.

"I'm going to be honest with you, though," he continued, "What happened to you really wasn't that bad, although we're going to investigate it anyhow."

Julia's face immediately fell as all of the color drained from it. Wasn't that bad? Was he serious? Another student had violated her on school grounds, and it wasn't that bad? This was her worst nightmare come true… her school didn't believe her; a person whom she greatly respected didn't believe her.

"I mean," Mr. Lewis tried to take his words back, profusely blushing as Mrs. Simon gave him a withering glare. "What happened to you wasn't good, but this school has seen worse."

"Oh," Julia mumbled. "Okay," she sniffled, no longer wanting to tell anyone anything. Why bother? The school didn't care. Moving further against the wall, she felt her mind slowly trying to flee the room. This was horrible, and it wasn't fair.

Nothing was fair.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who has been taking this journey with me; I really appreciate your support and encouragement. I know I said that this was supposed to be the grand jury chapter, but I forgot a few of the investigative details. That being said, the investigative parts end with this chapter, and I'll be moving into the law chain of events starting with chapter 7. As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers:** None.

**Summary:** An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

Taking several more deep breaths to steady my nerves, I finally stopped walking, turning to gaze at Alex. "Thank you," I told her. "Really, thank you for everything. I appreciate your concern and kindness, and I owe you one."

"You would do the same for me," Alex tossed me a genuine smile. "I know that our jobs are difficult, Olivia, but I truly believe that we're in the right field; I _have _to believe that we're in the right field, and that we're doing some good."

"It's definitely a calling, and I think that we are," I replied, leading the lawyer toward a local coffee shop; the least that I could do to repay her for trudging out into the rain to collect me was to buy her a hot drink. "Julia gave us the names of some other students who might have been assaulted by the perp, so Elliot and I will continue to investigate."

"Good," Alex nodded her approval, pushing her glasses a little bit further up her nose. "And now she has the restraining order, so that should help."

"I just hope she knows that we're there for her," I mused.

"I'm sure she does," Alex gently rested her hand on my shoulder.

"Good," I replied with a sigh. "Very good."

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, twenty-four hours prior (school psychologist's office)**

"But that's not fair," Julia whispered to her principal and the school psychologist. "You're joking, right? Because that isn't fair! How is that even _possible_?" she asked, her face pale and her lips tightly pressed together in frustration and anger.

"I'm sorry," Mr. Lewis uncomfortably stared at the floor, his hands clasped in his lap. "Like I told you yesterday, we haven't had to deal with anything like this in quite some time. That's no excuse, but it's the truth."

Julia clutched Hoot in one hand, squeezing the beanie baby as tightly as possible. "So… so he just gets away with it?"

"Not exactly," the principal murmured his reply, glancing over at Mrs. Simon for help. But the school psychologist wasn't going to help him with this one; she was too upset with what had happened.

"'Not exactly?' How do you figure? That's _exactly _what you're saying," Julia sniffled, taking a deep breath. Although she had never talked back to an adult before, she felt extremely overwhelmed and defeated by what she had just heard.

"The police will continue their investigation," Mr. Lewis pointed out.

"Yeah, but the school isn't going to do an investigation of its own? Why not?" the eleventh grader wanted to know.

"We, uh, didn't start the investigation soon enough," Mr. Lewis uncomfortably cleared his throat, "And now we need to stop." In a sense, the school had been told to stop its own investigation while the police did theirs. Because they couldn't investigate, they couldn't do anything to Mark.

"So he won't get suspended?" Julia persisted.

"I'm afraid not," Mr. Lewis quietly replied. "But we've talked to him."

_Oh, good,_ Julia bitterly thought to herself. _At least he's been talked to; I'm sure that will solve everything_.

"We're going to give you a different bus route to take home in the evenings, too," the principal continued, "And a different lunch period."

_Great, so are you going to change my locker so that I'm not near him every day? Or are you going to give me different classes so that I won't have to see him in the hallways? Do you even understand what you're doing? How could you?_

"Just let us know if he says or does anything else to you," Mr. Lewis got to his feet, "And we'll take care of it."

_Right, just like you took care of the original assault? _she felt like asking, feeling like her entire world was crashing down around her feet. Although she knew that she would probably be safe at school, the fact that she had to breathe the same air as Mark did made her feel sick to her stomach. She was still having a very difficult time focusing, and the fact that he was in the same building with her made her feel even more uneasy and uncomfortable.

"So I guess I'll see you later," Mr. Lewis muttered, walking out of the office.

The moment that he was gone, Julia burst into tears. Not only had her school minimized what had happened to her, they botched the investigation to the point where they couldn't even investigate. Thanks to their mistake, she would be forced to see Mark every day until everything was over with.

000000000000000

**16****th**** Precinct, 20 hours prior**

"Hi, Julia," Olivia brightly smiled at the student as she walked into the precinct. "How are you holding up?" she wanted to know, pointing to a chair.

"I'm okay, I guess," Julia half-heartedly shrugged, Hoot now in her jacket pocket. "Did you hear?" she took a seat, uneasily glancing around the room. There were a lot of people around, and the precinct was loud.

"I did," Olivia nodded, "And I'm sorry, honey. For lack of a better word, your school screwed up."

Julia morosely nodded. "I wish I could just drop out and fade away," she admitted. "I used to like school, but now I don't even want to go."

"It'll get better, I promise," Olivia gave her a sympathetic smile, gently patting her on the shoulder. "But try to hang in there, okay? You don't want to let them win by dropping out. You've got a bright future ahead of you, you know."

"Yeah," she sadly stared at the ground. "But it's hard to focus sometimes, especially when I get tired and sad."

"I understand, honey," Olivia quietly replied. "But just know that you aren't alone." Julia nodded, lifting her gaze to meet the detective's. "Really," she smiled, "I mean it. I'm there for you, and so are Mrs. Simon and your parents."

"I know," Julia let out a shaky breath, "And I appreciate that fact."

With another small smile, Olivia grabbed Julia's file from the large stack of folders on her desk, flipping it open. "I'm sorry to bring you to the precinct, but I wanted to go over your statement with you once more before you signed it."

"Okay," Julia reached into her pocket, fidgeting with Hoot's tag.

Olivia handed the student a type-written report, glancing at the two sheets of paper. "Why don't you take a look at it before you sign it? I can change anything that you want, too."

"Okay," Julia repeated, hesitantly reading over the document. Her face paling even more, she sighed when she got to the bottom of the second page. "Yeah, that's fine," she mumbled. "Where do I sign?" she asked, scrawling her name on the line when Olivia pointed to it.

Replacing the document in Julia's file, the detective leaned back in her chair. "I hear you're meeting with Alex tomorrow."

Julia nodded. "I'm nervous, but you said that she's nice. She _is _nice, right?"

"She's one of my closest friends," Olivia confirmed with a smile, "And I would trust her with my life. Just trust her, Julia, and you'll be fine. I also have this for you," the detective added, handing her one more document.

"What is it?" Julia asked, glancing down at the paper.

"This is a temporary restraining order, good for six months. This states that Mark cannot come within one hundred feet of you, or we can throw him in jail."

"What about school, though?" Julia's forehead creased with confusion. "We're going to see each other every day."

"I know," Olivia again leaned back in her chair, "And that's where things will get a bit tricky. But this says that he can't talk to you. In fact, if he even _looks _at you funny, I want to hear about it."

"Okay," Julia folded up the paper, carefully placing it in her jacket pocket. "So will I see you again?" Although she was intimidated by Olivia's badge, she truly liked the woman, feeling safe around her.

"Of course," Olivia smiled, getting to her feet. "And like I said, Julia, call me if you need anything at all. _Anything_, understand?"

"Thanks, and I will," Julia shyly stuck out her hand, changing her mind at the last second. Lightly wrapping her arms around the detective's waist, she instead gave her a gentle hug. "Really, thank you," she murmured before darting out of the precinct.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Thanks to everyone who has been reading and following along. It's definitely appreciated! Thanks also to the University of Buffalo's website for their definitions of rape and sexual assault. Although I remember the charge, I couldn't remember the specifics. As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers: **None.

**Summary: **An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Present, Alex and Olivia**

"You know," I mused, taking a seat near the coffee shop's window. "I'm a little concerned with this investigation."

"Why?" Alex asked in surprise, taking a sip of her latte.

I shrugged. "We're having a hard time corroborating Julia's story, which means—" I uncomfortably trailed off.

"Which means that I'm going to need her testimony in order to prove the case," Alex sighed in understanding. "What's her behavior and attitude been like?"

"Shy, scared, tired," I took a sip of my own coffee, staring out the window. "I hope she'll be okay by the time the trial hits," I mumbled.

"Me, too," Alex murmured.

000000000000000

**Alex's office, one day later **

"Hi, you must be Julia," Alex warmly and confidently smiled at the young girl as she approached the couch where the student had been waiting for her.

"Yeah, hi," Julia anxiously mumbled her reply, lurching to her feet. She felt incredibly uncomfortable by her surroundings, a feeling which was only intensified due to the fact that she had never before met Alex. "And you're Olivia's friend?"

Alex laughed, shaking Julia's hand. She really didn't mind when victims called her by her first name, or in this case, as 'Olivia's friend;' ADA Alexandra Cabot was reserved more for those whom she prosecuted, as well as for other lawyers who needed to be reminded of who she was. "Alex. Nice to meet you," she ushered Julia toward one of the office's smaller conference rooms. "Are you nervous?" she softly asked.

"No," Julia shook her head, wringing her hands in anxiety. "Okay, yeah, maybe a little," she amended her statement with a slight chuckle. "I'm just, uh, this is all new to me," she half-shrugged, half-smiled.

"I understand," Alex pointed to one of the chairs in the conference room, saddened by the fact that this wasn't new to her at all; interviews like this one were unfortunately very common in her line of work. "But you can trust me; I'm on your side," she again smiled.

"I know, that's what Olivia said," Julia swallowed in nervousness, uneasily taking a seat across from Alex. "But this is still very intimidating to me."

Shoving Julia's file aside for a moment, Alex removed her glasses, setting them down on the table. "Before we get into the legal stuff, how are you doing?" she quietly asked.

"I'm okay," Julia whispered, her gaze riveted to the table. "I'm tired, but I guess that makes sense… you know, given everything." Tired was actually an understatement; the eleventh grader was exhausted. Sleep seemed to elude her every single night, leaving her tired and confused for the next day's events.

"Yeah, that's pretty common from what I understand," Alex nodded. "If it keeps up, though, make sure to see your doctor. Sleep is actually pretty important," she smiled.

"I know," Julia bit her lip, recognizing the fact that because she was so tired and unable to focus during the day, her grades were already beginning to slip.

Again reaching for Julia's file, Alex flipped to the first page. "I had a chance to read over the police report, and I have a few questions for you," she murmured. "The report mentions that you periodically giggled during your interview. Is that a nervous habit?" she gently inquired.

Julia's face burned bright red in embarrassment. "Yeah, I tend to laugh when I'm uncomfortable or scared. I don't know why I do it, it just happens. Is that going to be a problem?" she meekly asked.

"No," Alex kindly replied, slipping her glasses back on. "But it's something that the defense attorney will probably make note of. It doesn't mean the guy is any less guilty, though," she added.

Julia nodded her understanding.

"Now you mentioned the names of a couple of students who you thought might also have been attacked at one point or another by Mark," Alex continued. Julia again nodded. "Olivia and Elliot spoke to the girls, and neither are willing to come forward. They both say that something happened, but they don't want to get involved at this point."

"Oh," Julia exhaled a shaky breath. "So I guess that means I'm on my own?"

Alex gazed across the table at her. "You aren't alone," she cautiously said, "Although I'm not going to lie to you: the majority of my case will rest on your testimony."

Julia's face paled, another nervous laugh escaping her lips. "My word against his word? And I suppose he'll be there, too?"

"The law gives him the right to face his accuser, so yes, I'm afraid that he'll be in the court room with you," Alex softly explained.

"Oh," Julia repeated, once again staring down at the table. "Okay." She really didn't know what else to say; she just knew that she hated being in the same school as Mark, and now she had to come to terms with being in the same room with him. With him staring at her. With _everyone_ staring at her.

"How much do you know about the law?" Alex asked, her hands lightly and calmly resting on the table.

"I know the majority of the documents from the AP curriculum by heart," Julia replied, staring down at the floor in sadness. "And I can cite the Bill of Rights and the majority of the Constitutional amendments from memory."

Alex smiled at that; this kid was a lot like she had been when she was her age. "So you're familiar with the judicial process?"

"A little bit," Julia confirmed. "I know that it's slow, no offense," she blushed.

Alex chuckled. "It's definitely slow," she agreed. "But listen. I wanted you to know that I've been trying to decide what to charge Mark with, and I'm leaning more toward rape than sexual assualt." Julia looked everywhere but at Alex, numbly nodding. Although Alex had been considering sexual assault, a charge that does not necessarily include penetration, Mark had still penetrated Julia. "Either charge is considered a felony under New York State law, just so you know," she added.

"Okay," Julia mumbled, fidgeting with Hoot, who had been hidden in her pocket. "Olivia mentioned a grand jury," she added. "I kind of don't know what that is."

Alex leaned back in her chair, her expression serious and businesslike. "The first stop on the path to conviction is the grand jury."

"Innocent until proven guilty?" Julia quietly asked, even though she knew that Mark was seriously guilty.

"Exactly," Alex smiled. "The grand jury will include eighteen people, and aside from them, you and I will be the only other two people in the room. Their job will be to listen to my evidence—including your testimony—to determine whether or not my office has a case against Mark. There won't even be a judge in the room," she added.

"Great," Julia mumbled. "Hopefully they'll believe me," she wanly smiled.

"Just be honest with them, and you'll do fine."

"When will the grand jury take place?" Julia hesitantly asked. "Tomorrow? Next week?"

"I hate to say it," Alex pursed her lips, "But legally speaking, a grand jury can be scheduled for up to six months after the events of the crime."

"So I'll see him every day for the next six months?"

"Possibly, I'm sorry," Alex sighed. Time never worked in favor of the victim.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, three months later**

"You lying bitch," a varsity football player jogged up to Michelle after school one day. "You think you're going to get away with this?" he asked, grabbing the senior by her neck and slamming her up against the wall of lockers.

"What are you talking about?" Michelle's eyes widened in surprise and panic as she registered the fact that two more varsity football players were running toward her.

"You know that he didn't do anything to you that you didn't want done," Jose, the first football player, sneered at her. Digging his fingers into her neck, he continued to hold the struggling girl against the lockers.

"Who didn't do what?" Michelle tried again, clawing at Jose's hands to try to get him to release her. Where were all of the adults? School had _just _ended, and there should have been a lot of people around!

Sam, another football player, stood in front of Michelle, glaring at her. "Mark. Mark didn't touch you like that, and you _know _it."

"I don't know what—" she started to say, grunting as Sam's fist connected with her solar plexus. "I don't know what you're talking—" she tried again, screaming when someone else's fist connected with her face, causing her lip to split open.

"You'll screw up his life if you testify, so you better not," Jose squeezed her neck once more. "So repeat after me. Mark didn't touch me."

"But he didn't!" Michelle groaned in agony. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

Sam again punched Michelle in the stomach, stepping back. "Tell us you won't testify."

"I won't," Michelle screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I promise, I won't! 

"You better not, bitch," Jose threw her to the ground, spitting on her prone body before walking away. "If you do—" he trailed off.

Michelle had no idea what had just happened to her, or why it had even happened. Although she was close with both Julia _and _Mark, Julia hadn't told her the specifics of the assault, nor had she ever mentioned Mark's name. Now, it would seem, Mark's friends were convinced that she herself was the 'snitch.'

So, so much for restraining orders and school security; apparently, they were both pointless.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Sorry about the delay, but real life got in the way (the non-profit I worked for lost its funding, and I lost my job). What a week. Anyhow, thanks to everyone who is still reading along! As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers: **None.

**Summary: **An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**16****th**** Precinct, 3 months later (March)**

Julia cautiously walked into the precinct, her jacket wrapped snuggly around her body. Although it was a fairly decent day considering the fact that it was March in New York, she still felt cold, alone, skittish, and a little off.

Things had not improved for her at school, and in a sense, had only gotten worse: her grades continued to slip, she had a hard time focusing in class, and she saw Mark often. It frustrated her that he seemed so happy with so many friends always swarming around him, when she herself felt more alone each and every day.

"Julia?" Olivia called out in surprise, spotting the student standing in the middle of the precinct's entryway. "What are you doing down here?" she walked over to her, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Uh—" Julia stammered, shifting from foot to foot, her gaze directed at the floor. "Nothing," she whispered.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked in concern, resting a hand on the eleventh grader's arm.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Julia met the detective's gaze, flashing her a partial smile. "Just, you know, I thought I'd come by and say hi."

"Well hello there," Olivia couldn't help but smile, leading her back toward a private conference room. "Don't get me wrong," she continued "Because I'm very happy to see you, but are you sure that you're okay? That something else didn't happen?"

Julia swallowed, hesitantly nodding. Mark hadn't hurt her again, nor had he tried to talk to her. And without knowing what Mark's teammates had done to her friend, she really had nothing new to report to Olivia. She just felt…off, and there was something that she wanted to know. "Will it ever go away?" she suddenly asked, staring at her hands in embarrassment.

"What, honey?" Olivia took a seat at the table beside her. "Will what ever go away?"

"This feeling of being a victim; I hate it. I hate _me_."

Olivia's heart sank; she truly felt badly for her. "Why do you hate yourself?" she gently inquired.

Julia shrugged. "Because I'm letting this experience define who I am, and I know that it's stupid. Intellectually speaking, I _know _that I'm being stupid; I know that worse things happen to people every day, and that in the scheme of things, nothing really bad happened. I don't have a right to feel like this," she jammed her hands into her pockets in frustration, still staring down at the table.

"But something bad _did _happen to you," Olivia pointed out, leaning toward Julia to try to get her to look at her. "You're beating yourself up because you're reacting to a traumatic experience in a way that you don't think is appropriate, but who's to say what's appropriate and what isn't? He did something _wrong_, and it wasn't fair," the detective vehemently maintained. "You can't diminish what happened to you just because other crimes are committed every day. _You _are not stupid… the _situation _is stupid. And yes, Julia, things will get better for you. I _promise_."

"I guess," Julia whispered, not really convinced. She still hated the fact that she walked around in a fog every single day, while Mark got to laugh and joke around with his friends. She wanted to feel better, and she wanted to focus on her future. But the counselors weren't helping, the school wasn't helping, her friends didn't understand, her family didn't understand… she just felt alone, and she was afraid that the negative feelings would some day bury her alive. She felt completely consumed by the event, with no end in sight.

"And you have to remember," Olivia continued, "You're having a hard time moving forward because your grand jury hearing was scheduled for the last possible day that it could have been scheduled: exactly five months and thirty days after the assault originally took place. You need to give yourself a break, honey," she tried to smile. "You need to find a way to hang in there."

"Yeah, I guess," Julia let out a shaky, resigned sigh.

000000000000000

**Alex's office, 3 months later (June)**

"How are you holding up?" Alex gently asked Julia, handing her a glass of water.

"I'm okay," Julia robotically replied, her hands shoved deep within her suit jacket's pockets. "Or hanging in there, anyhow," she added, her eyes once again wandering around the attorney's office. She was actually far from 'okay,' but she had given her word that she would testify at the grand jury hearing, and she was going to go through with it. Besides, she had also really come to trust both Alex and Olivia, and deep down, knew that neither woman would let her get hurt.

"Good," Alex warmly smiled, taking a sip of her water. "Now in terms of the grand jury itself, there will be eighteen jurors, all members of the community, just like you or me."

"Except they're going to judge me," Julia needlessly pointed out, feeling the acid in her stomach turning. She was definitely more nervous than she had ever been in her life. "And they're going to make a decision about what happened."

"Yes and no," Alex tried to keep her voice even-tempered for Julia's sake. She wasn't nervous about the case, per say, but she knew how worried the eleventh grader truly was. "Remember, they're not going to tell you that what happened didn't happen. He assaulted you," she gazed at Julia. "But what they need to do now is to determine whether or not I have enough evidence to move forward with a case. They won't be judging your actions—"

"Or lack there of—" Julia interjected.

Alex ruefully smiled, wishing that she and Olivia had been successful in convincing the student that she hadn't done anything wrong. "—But rather his actions and if they can be prosecuted under the letter of the law."

"And you'll be there with me?" Julia hesitantly asked, her fingers lightly moving against Hoot's fur; Mrs. Simon had graciously given the beanie baby to her months ago, and it was now safely ensconced in her suit pocket.

"I'll be right next to you," Alex gently confirmed. "And I won't leave your side until you're completely done telling your story."

"Okay," Julia cautiously got to her feet. "Let's just get this over with, then."

000000000000000

**Grand Jury Room A, later that day**

Alex, her briefcase held loosely by her side, glanced over at Julia. The student was anxiously fidgeting with her suit, her hands, her hair, her feet—she couldn't seem to sit or stand still, although Alex completely recognized the fact that she was scared out of her mind.

The attorney felt badly for her, too. She understood how difficult it was to put oneself out there, especially when talking about a subject matter that was uncomfortable. But she also knew that Julia was strong, and that she would get through this. "I'll be right back," she smiled at the eleventh grader, stepping closer to the door. "I need to prep them on your case, and then I'll call you in."

Julia took a seat on the bench, trying to ignore the hustle and bustle of the lawyers, prisoners, and police officers who were scurrying like mice up and down the hallways. It was definitely a busy day, she ruefully noted, nibbling on one of her fingernails, made even more depressing by the fact that it was cloudy and rainy outside.

"Is this seat taken?" someone cleared her throat, jostling her out of her own thoughts.

Momentarily startled, it took Julia a second to realize that Olivia was standing right in front of her. "No, please sit," she smiled.

"I just came down to wish you good luck," Olivia admitted, leaning against the back of the bench. "Just remember to breathe, and know that no matter what happens, both Alex and I are proud of you."

Julia nodded, doubt filling her voice. "I'm still a little nervous, though," she mumbled. "Actually, kind of a lot nervous."

"That's okay," Olivia patted her knee, glancing up when Alex emerged from the room. "But it will all be over soon enough."

"We're ready for you, Julia," Alex flashed Olivia a quick smile, thanking her for stopping by. Her client was definitely beyond afraid right now.

"Okay," Julia got to her feet, uneasily staring at the door.

"You'll be fine, just keep breathing," Olivia kindly repeated, giving her a quick hug. "Trust us."

Alex nodded her agreement, gazing at Julia. "Deep breaths," she advised, finally leading her into the room.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **I think I'm almost to the end of the story, with just a couple of more chapters to go. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and review (or even just read!). As always, I'm sorry for any SVU or court errors that I make; the only thing I can say is that this is what things were like for me. All names have been changed to protect those involved.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers: **None.

**Summary: **An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Grand Jury Room A**

Alex again placed a reassuring hand on Julia's arm, trying to get her to relax; she could feel the tension radiating from the young girl's body, and she could see the panic on her face "You need to breathe," she softly reminded her, a little concerned over the fact that Julia seemed very close to hyperventilating.

"I'm trying to," Julia whispered back, hesitantly settling herself into the witness chair. Snaking her hand into her suit jacket's pocket, she stroked Hoot's fur, trying to focus on something other than the situation. Truth be told, she was seriously considering darting out of the room, unsure if she could handle the pressure of actually testifying. "Alex?"

"Hmm?" Alex moved so that she was standing just in front of Julia, in a sense blocking her view of the jurors. Although a few curious jurors were intently watching their interaction, the majority of them were engrossed with reading the police report.

"I don't know if I can do this," Julia nervously informed her. "I want to, but—" she trailed off. _I'm scared. I'm really scared._

"But you're scared," Alex quietly finished her sentence, flashing her a sympathetic smile. "I know you are, Julia, but you know what? You're a strong young woman, and you can get through this."

_But what if they don't believe me? _Julia desperately wanted to ask Alex, staring at the ground as her anxiety mounted. She had seen Law and Order multiple times before, and knew that the defense attorneys always tried to get their clients off of the hook by persecuting the victim. Could she really handle that? Did she really _want _to handle that? She wanted to be believed, and was worried that the grand jurors would just laugh at her… or worse yet, judge her and tell her that she had asked for it; that every eleventh grade girl wanted and asked for it.

"Hey," Alex murmured, dipping her head to try to meet Julia's gaze. "You're going to be just fine, I promise," she continued to block her view of the jurors. "Just focus on my voice, okay? Just listen to my words, and ignore everyone else." She knew that Julia was terrified of what was to come, but she also suspected that a tiny part of her would be empowered by the testimony; grand juries tended to favor the victim, and the evidence, although slight, was still solid.

"Okay," Julia quietly nodded her understanding, although she immediately ignored Alex's advice and looked around the room. Glancing at the jurors, she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. They _seemed _like normal people, and they were doing normal people type things. Book bags were strewn on the floor, half-eaten lunch sandwiches were left out on their tables, and the jurors all seemed to be friends. They were laughing, they were smiling, they were human.

But that didn't mean that she was any less scared or intimidated by the situation. Julia tried not to focus on the white noise of the jurors talking, nor on the excessive amount of heat that was spewing from the room's vents. And the lights—why were the lights so bright?

Remembering what both Alex and Olivia had instructed her to do, Julia took a deep breath, and then another, and then another. And then she took one more deep breath just for good measure, feeling the tension in her shoulders slightly ebb away.

Carefully studying Julia's posture and expression, Alex couldn't help but breathe her own sigh of relief when the young girl seemed to be a bit more relaxed. "Ready?" she gently inquired.

"Yeah," Julia replied, staring at the bailiff as he brought a copy of the Bible over to her. "I'll be fine," she gave Alex the slightest of smiles, allowing herself to be sworn in.

Taking one more deep breath, Julia shifted her gaze to Alex's, her fingers constantly moving against Hoot's fur.

"Julia, can you please tell the members of the jury what happened on December 4?" Alex started the 'discussion.'

Julia's mouth suddenly went dry, her face pale. Alex's question was too broad, and she had no idea where to start.

"Let me re-phrase the question," the ADA seemed to immediately understand the problem. "Can you tell us where you were on Wednesday, December 4, around 3:15 in the afternoon?"

Julia nodded, her eyes still riveted to Alex's face.

"I'm afraid that you're going to have to verbally answer the question," she gently reminded her.

"Oh, right," Julia cleared her throat. "At school, waiting in the bus loop for the bus to take me home."

"And were you alone?"

Julia absentmindedly shook her head no, before remembering that she had to talk. "Mark and his friend were also there," she uncomfortably murmured.

"Did you and Mark do any talking?"

"Not exactly," Julia sighed, starting to feel like the easiest way to get out of the grand jury hearing was just to answer the questions without thinking about them.

"What do you mean by 'not exactly?'" Alex calmly inquired, making sure to stand just beside her for support.

"Well—" Julia frowned, taking another deep breath. "He did the majority of the talking." Glancing up at the jurors for a moment, she added, "He kept asking me for oral sex over and over again. I said no at least three times, but I couldn't get him to leave me alone. I just wanted him to leave me alone," she whispered, her gaze returning to Alex's face. _Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?_

Alex tried to reassure Julia with a smile, gently asking, "And did he?"

"No," Julia stared at the floor, and then up at the jurors. "No, he continued to bother me when we got on the bus, too. I know that I made a mistake by sitting in the back, but I _always _sat in the back of the bus," she helplessly tried to explain. "I already felt confused by what Mark had been saying for the past hour, and I just… I just wasn't thinking clearly." _Or at all._ Glancing around the room, the eleventh grader tried to read the faces of the jurors. Were they disgusted with her? Upset? It was hard to tell.

"And then what happened, Julia?" Alex softly probed.

"Mark sat down next to me and wouldn't let me leave when I tried to get up," came her almost immediate response. "I tried to push past him, but he blocked my way," she needlessly added.

Frowning as her mind drifted elsewhere, Julia truthfully answered question after question to the best of her ability, semi-aware of the fact that she was no longer really focussed on what was taking place in the grand jury room; had Olivia been present, she would have testified that Julia's mind was protecting her by shutting down, much like it had back on December 4.

Without really thinking about what she was saying, Julia told the jurors about the bus's longer than normal ride home, the teacher that she saw at the stoplight, and how her mind had seemed to wander during much of the ordeal. She told them about how Mark had used his arm to hold her down, about what he had done to her with his fingers, and about the parting sex comment that he had made to her before getting off of the bus. Then she told them about the hot shower that she couldn't quite seem to make hot enough, and about the self-loathing and disgust that persisted even to this day.

Julia had no clue that silent tears were streaming down her cheeks by the time that she had finished her story, but they were.

She had no clue that the majority of the jurors were giving her sympathetic looks, but they were.

She had no clue that Alex was purposely remaining silent so that the jurors could digest her story, but she was. And they did.

And then the questions started flooding in.

"Why didn't you yell for help?" one juror hesitantly asked. "I mean, wouldn't the bus driver have done something to help you?"

"Yes," Julia honestly whispered her reply. "And I don't know why I didn't shout for help. I had been saying no for an hour, and I guess I had just hoped that that was good enough," she sadly shrugged. "I was scared, I felt lost, I felt out of control, I was worn out; I just wanted to go home and be alone. I was tired of verbally fending him off, and I had tried to get by him," she reminded the juror.

"But you didn't yell for help?" someone else repeated the exact same question.

"Remember, a victim only has to say no once," Alex spoke up, "And Julia testified that she said no multiple times _and _tried to physically push past Mark. That's more than what the law requires of a victim."

Julia flashed Alex a grateful smile.

"Do you know why the bus was late that day?" someone curiously asked.

Julia shook her head no. "I wish I did, though. If it had been on time, things probably would have turned out much differently."

"Has he bothered you since?" another juror asked.

"No," Julia murmured. "I see him every day, but he hasn't talked to me." Again, she didn't know about the issue with Michelle.

Wiping away the remainder of her tears, the eleventh grader took a shaky breath, gazing up at Alex; she really wanted to be done with her testimony now.

The lawyer nodded her reassurance, before returning her attention to the jurors. "Are there any other questions?" When none were forthcoming, she smiled at Julia. "Why don't you go ahead and wait outside?" she suggested, helping her to her feet and then to the door. Knowing Olivia as she did, Alex assumed that the detective would still be outside, and was gratified to see that she was.

Shuffling into the hallway, Julia sadly gazed at Olivia.

"You okay, honey?" the detective quietly asked, patting the empty spot on the bench beside her.

"I think so, yeah," Julia took a seat, taking a deep breath and then exhaling. "Tired, but okay." Although she was anxious to hear what the grand jury would say, she was thankful to be done with the whole thing; at least for now, anyhow.

"Well you did good," Olivia gently patted her shoulder. "I'm very proud of you, and I know that Alex is, as well."

Julia just closed her eyes, ignoring the few tears of relief that somehow managed to slip through.

000000000000000

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **I do believe that this is the end of the road for this story. I'm not necessarily proud of how the whole situation ended, but it's hard to always be strong. I really truly appreciate all of your support over the past month or so, and I hope that this story touched some of your lives. All the best, Janet

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of Law and Order: SVU. That honor goes to the good folks over at NBC.

**Spoilers: **None.

**Summary: **An eleventh grader is sexually assaulted at school. Will Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the gang be able to help her cope?

000000000000000

**Outside Grand Jury Room A, just after the hearing**

"Better?" Olivia asked with a small smile, resting her arm on the back of the bench.

"Yeah, I think so," Julia slightly chuckled, "But I'm not going to lie; that was really rough." Wrinkling her nose in discomfort, she tried not to blush at the smell emanating from her armpits; her suit jacket was completely soaked through with nervous sweat, and she felt like she reeked.

"Don't worry, I can't smell you," Olivia gave her a sly wink, as if knowing exactly what the young girl had been thinking about. "Besides, you should have seen my clothes after the first time that I testified on the stand. Let's just say that the antiperspirant didn't really help. "

"Nor the second nor the third time?" Julia couldn't help but tease, feeling as if a small weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

"Okay, you've got me there," the detective smirked, getting to her feet. "But how about we had back to the precinct to wait for the verdict? Alex will know where to find us."

"Sure," Julia stood up, following her through the courthouse. And then after a moment, "Doesn't this make you nervous?"

"Hmm?" Olivia glanced at her.

"The metal detectors, the bars on some of the windows, the guns all over the place," Julia shrugged.

"Nah," Olivia chuckled. "You get used to it after awhile; and it helps that I know the majority of the people in this building, too."

"Yeah," Julia followed the detective outside. "I suppose that would make sense. They'll have their decision soon enough, though, right? Or does it take them awhile?" she again switched topics, now thinking about the grand jury; although she was slightly relieved at being done with testifying, she still felt anxious and off-kilter.

"It can take anywhere from minutes to days," Olivia led the way back to the precinct. "In this case? Your guess is as good as mine."

Julia didn't say it, but she truly hoped that the grand jury had their decision soon, and that she could move forward with her life. Finals were coming up in a few weeks, followed by senior year; dealing with a sexual assault was really not something that she had planned for.

And as always, she was exhausted.

000000000000000

**16****th**** Precinct, one hour later**

"Hello there," Alex strolled into the precinct, her briefcase held loosely by her side.

"Hello to you, too, Counselor," Olivia smiled, her hands jammed into her back pockets. "Any word?"

_Yeah, any word? _Julia anxiously got to her feet, trying to glean information by studying Alex's face. _Did they believe me? Are they going to let you proceed with the trial? What happens now? Why won't you just SAY something?_

Alex nodded, a tight-lipped smile on her face. Following Olivia and Julia into one of the conference rooms, she took a seat at the spacious table. "Okay, I have some good news and I have some bad news," she informed them both.

Julia's face immediately paled, her spirits falling when she realized that the grand jury hadn't believed her after all. "But I was so honest," she whispered, trying not to cry. "I told them the truth; I told them exactly what I did and did not do," a few silent tears slid down her cheeks. "Why didn't they believe me? What did I do wrong?"

Alex and Olivia exchanged glances, the attorney telling the detective exactly what had happened without even having to say a word.

"I don't think they didn't believe you, honey," Olivia hesitantly stated. "Actually, I think the problem is that they did."

"What do you mean? I don't understand," Julia wiped away a few errant tears.

"Olivia's right, Julia. They believed everything that you said, and indicted Mark with the rape charge," Alex removed her glasses, setting them aside.

"So… is that the good news? Or the bad news?" she cautiously asked, slightly afraid of the answer.

"That's the good news," Alex chuckled.

"So then what's the bad news?"

"The police report won't be enough to get the felony conviction," she calmly but kindly informed the young girl. "That means that in order to get him convicted, I'm going to need your testimony."

"In front of a real jury? And other people?" Julia meekly asked, already knowing the answers to her questions.

"I'm afraid so, yes."

"There's no other way?" Julia balled her fists underneath the table, not quite sure if she could endure _another _trial, and _another _time of telling her story.

"There's no other way," Alex murmured, hoping beyond belief that Julia would be able to make it through the trial; her entire case rested on the eleventh grader's testimony.

"Okay," Julia sighed in resignation.

000000000000000

**Courthouse, one month later (July)**

Julia uneasily walked into the courthouse behind Olivia, once again gazing at the metal detectors. She _hated _this building; even with all of the increased security around, she still felt unsafe and scared. She realized that her fear was irrational, although she couldn't shake the bad feelings that the building still seemed to evoke within her.

"Right this way," Olivia led Julia toward one of the courtrooms, leaning against the wall. "Alex should be here at any moment, and then she can show you the room."

"Okay," Julia muttered, warily glancing around the large lobby. Once again struck by the loudness of those around her, she frowned, trying not to think about where she was. "Why am I so nervous?" she shakily laughed.

Olivia smiled, her arms folded across her chest. "Because you've never been in a courtroom before, so this is all new to you."

"Yeah, I know, but this is more like show and—"

"Tell?" Alex supplied, walking up to the duo. "You have nothing to worry about, though," she warmly smiled. "I just wanted to show you where the jury will sit, and where you'll find Mark."

"Okay," Julia sighed, glancing at the door to the room. "I guess it'll be helpful to know what the place will look like," she shrugged. She certainly understood that the more she knew about what was going to happen, the better she'd ultimately feel.

Opening the door and slipping into the courtroom, Alex confidently strode up the center aisle. "The jury will sit over there along the wall," she pointed to a box containing thirteen chairs, "And the judge up front. This is where you'll sit while you testify," she pointed to the witness chair located just beside the judge's dais.

_I don't know if I can do this,_ Julia told herself, feeling the tension coiling within her stomach. "And so Mark is going to sit over there?" she pointed to the defense table. "Right where I can see him? Right where he'll be staring at me? I think I'm going to be sick," her face turned slightly pink.

Alex and Olivia exchanged concerned looks, seriously starting to worry about whether or not Julia would continue with the case.

And then Julia asked the one question that the detective and the attorney had been dreading.

"What happens if I don't testify?" she whispered, afraid to look at anything but the ground. She knew that both Alex and Olivia would be furious with her, not to mention disappointed and disgusted.

"Well," Alex cleared her throat, "At this point, the case is the city versus Mark, so I'll have to go through with the trial regardless of what you decide to do. If you decide not to testify," she continued, "I suppose I'll probably have to consider a plea bargain to ensure a conviction."

"So he wouldn't be convicted of a felony, but rather something lesser?" Julia persisted.

"I don't think I can get the felony conviction without your testimony," Alex again gazed at the young girl, "So unfortunately, I would probably have to offer him a misdemeanor of some sort."

"Can you tell us what you're thinking, honey?" Olivia carefully and gently probed.

"I'm thinking that I just want this to end," Julia murmured. "I don't know that I can stomach the thought of this hanging over my head for any longer. It's been seven months already… when would the trial take place?" she quietly mumbled.

"It's scheduled for next December, I'm afraid," Alex leaned against the railing, not really sure how to feel about the changing situation.

"So another five months away?" Alex nodded. Julia simply sighed.

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, three months later (October)**

Julia started off senior year bound and determined to make the most of it. Although she wasn't typically interested in going to sporting events—especially football games—she wanted to go to Homecoming with her friends this year, and she wanted to have fun. She wanted to be a part of the crowd, and she wanted to relax.

It was time to move on.

It was time to think about the future.

It was time to take control of her life.

So she tried her best to do those things, joining after school clubs with her friends, participating in every single senior activity, and trying to forget about the impending trial.

It was hard, though, because as usual, Mark was always around. He was still Mr. Popular, running the halls of the school with his popular varsity posse. It was actually very sickening, and Julia hated it.

But she persevered. Senior week activities, counseling sessions, orchestra, college applications—these things all took center stage in her life during the first few months of the school year, while she tried her hardest to forget about Mark and how he had violated her. Books like _1984 _and _Brave New World_ consumed her time, as did finding new and improved ways of getting through the unbearable class of AP economics—the one class that Mark's friends had somehow managed to get themselves into.

Her plan worked quite well, in fact, until mid-October. In October, Julia realized that no matter how far or how fast she tried to run, it was never far or fast enough; he was always there, lurking in the back of her mind. Although she convinced herself that she had had friends, or at least people that she hung out with, she couldn't help but notice that she never laughed quite as loudly as they did, nor did she smile quite as often.

She had friends, but she didn't feel like she fit in. She was a loner. A poser, as some of the students in her school would have called her. She was posing as a normal, well-adjusted student. If only everyone had known that she felt completely and utterly alone, even when in a crowded room.

And dating? No, that didn't happen, either. Julia refused to let anyone touch or hug her, always making up one excuse after another as to why she wanted to be physically isolated.

October slowly turned into November, and November into December. Julia periodically heard from both Olivia and Alex, but she knew that they were busy trying to rid the world of evil-doers, and that they really didn't have a lot of time to spend with her anymore. She didn't mind, though, because she understood. She knew that they were trying to help other people in the same way that they had helped her, and she was fine with that. She actually appreciated it.

On the day of the scheduled trial, Julia found herself crouched on the floor underneath her AP English teacher's classroom phone, rocking back and forth as she anxiously waited to hear if the trial would be postponed. The weather was bad, and the county had been socked with one of the biggest storms of the decade. Within the hour of the county issuing a major travel advisory, Julia received a call from Alex telling her that the trial was going to be postponed for another week.

And that was the end of it. "I can't do it," she whispered into the phone. "I'm sorry, Alex, but I just can't do it anymore. I'm so sorry. I know that you'll be upset with me, but—" she sadly trailed off. _But I'm just not strong enough to testify. I can't handle the nerves anymore, and the stress is killing me._

Alex held back her sigh of disappointment. She had had a feeling that Julia would back out of testifying once she had found out that the trial had been postponed, so she really wasn't surprised. She was just… disappointed. "I'm not upset," she finally told her, "And I understand. This has been hard on you, and I know that," she kindly added. "Is there anything else that I can do for you right now?"

"No," Julia held back a few tears. "No, I'm just really sorry to disappoint you and Olivia."

"You haven't," Alex softly told her, "And we'll be in touch."

000000000000000

**Lakewood High School, January**

One month later, Alex called Julia to give her the news. "It's over," she smiled into the phone. "The trial is completely over."

"What was the verdict?" Julia hesitantly asked, almost afraid of the answer. This was the moment of truth.

"Guilty," the attorney quietly replied, "Of a misdemeanor, though; he pled out."

"What, uh, what is his punishment?" Julia clutched the phone tightly in one hand, leaning against the classroom wall for support.

Alex pursed her lips, not really wanting to answer that particular question. "I did the best that I could," she cautiously murmured, "But he only got one month's probation. If it makes you feel any better, though," she hurriedly continued, "He had to admit his guilt in front of a courtroom full of people, including his mother."

"Oh," Julia swallowed, knowing that she had no one to blame but herself for Mark's easy punishment. _If she had only testified—_ "Well… thank you."

But Alex wasn't quite done yet. "I don't want you to beat yourself up," she softly told her. "Really, both Olivia and I completely understand. Just hang in there, and please let us know if there's anything else that we can do for you." The attorney wasn't lying, either. She and Olivia really weren't upset at Julia's decision to back away from the trial, and in fact, partially understood.

"Thanks," Julia mumbled. "Really, thank you for everything. And please tell Olivia the same."

With that, the detective, the attorney, and the student all parted ways, with the student blaming herself for years and years to come. She felt very little closure over the incident, knowing full well that Mark's probation was nothing compared to what he _should _have received. But she also knew that she had no one but herself to blame for that one.

000000000000000

**Earth Tones Coffee Shop, Alex and Olivia, after the verdict**

"She'll regret that decision for the rest of her life," Alex mused, taking a sip of her extra strong coffee. "I truly believe that she'll regret not having testified."

"Perhaps," I shrugged, gazing at the other woman across the table. "But can you really blame her? I mean, look how long it took, Alex. She had to see Mark every day for an entire year, while trying to navigate life, the courts, and her own memories of the incident. There's just so much the human mind can take sometimes. She couldn't change schools, she couldn't say anything to anyone—it must have been hell for her."

"I'm sure it was," Alex agreed with me, taking another sip of her coffee. "And therein lies the problem with the system, like we've been saying for years."

"It just takes too damned long," I frowned.

"It does," Alex nodded. "So what now?"

"We live to fight another day. We live to do more good. We just live," I half-smiled.

000000000000000

_Finis_

000000000000000

**A/N: **Again, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this story, and I hope that you found it a good read or possibly even helpful. Like I've said to a few people, I'm not entirely proud of my actions (or inactions) at the end, but… seriously, I was really tired of dealing with everything.

Regardless, here are a few tidbits and updates for anyone who might be interested.

* The details of this story took place almost exactly as described (the story is how I remembered things, anyhow). The main difference is the fact that Julia's discussions with Olivia actually took place with my school psychologist; I just figured that because this is an SVU fic, I should have SVU characters take center stage in it. Also, I didn't know about the fight between Mark's friends and Michelle until Michelle and I were college roommates.

* Yes, I still regret not testifying at that final trial. I really, truly do. At the time, the whole thing had been dragging on for over a year, and I was tired; I was ready for it to be over with… had we not had a massive blizzard on the day of the trial that postponed it, or had it even been a few months sooner, I probably would have gone through with it. I would also imagine that the lawyer and detective were not so pleased by my decision not to testify, but maybe they were as okay about it as Alex and Olivia were.

* I couldn't remember why I didn't sue the school, so I recently asked my mother if she remembered the rationale. She said that it had been my decision not to, and that she didn't know why. Knowing me, I would guess that it's because I loved my district very much, and still hoped to someday teach there. That doesn't negate the fact that mistakes were made, and that things were said to me by administrators that never should have been said. I'm pretty sure that one person "retired" over the botched investigation, however.

* I had a couple of friends who remained friendly with Mark. Mark ended up with a full football scholarship somewhere in the Southern part of the United States. His college dorm room got broken into several times, and a lot of his stuff was stolen. He then flunked many of his classes, lost his scholarship, gained 100 pounds, and moved back to my home town. I don't take pleasure in his misfortune, but… you know.

* As for me, I ended up going to school to teach social studies and special education. I was convinced that I would never find someone to love (or be loved by), and that even if I _did _find someone, I'd never let that person touch me. I had a college professor tell me that I would find the right person, and that when the time was right, I would know. For anyone out there who had a similar experience, my professor was right: when you find the right person, intimacy can be a very beautiful thing; it just takes awhile to build up that trust. I'll be married in May to a very amazing person.

* And then as for Hoot, my school psychologist let me keep it as a graduation present. That beanie baby lived in my pocket for the rest of my junior and senior year, and it gave me a peace of mind (hard to explain, and I know that it sounds strange, but focusing on one object can be helpful when you're in panic mode). While student teaching, one of my 8th graders was sexually assaulted, and so I passed Hoot on to her. Perhaps Hoot is living the good life in Florida (where I believe she moved to), or maybe he was passed on to another student in need.

000000000000000

Again, thanks to everyone who read this. If you have any questions (or critiques), please don't hesitate to contact me!


End file.
